New 'Cut, New Start

Just got my haircut yesterday, and this time went all the way.  I cut the bang I had, mainly because I was done with having to deal with two different lengths and wanted to simplify things.  I went with faded side burns that taper to a point, hoping it would frame my face a little better.  When the barber was done, I took one look at myself and was filled with mixed emotions.  I finally had no more length on my head and my face was completely exposed.  The angles in my face were more prominent and the scars on my face were even more obvious than before.  My eyes looked smaller and my lips looked bigger.  I was naked and this is what everyone could see when they looked at me.  I could see all of me and there was no curtain of hair to hide it.

Yet, then I smiled.  This was me.  I had no more excuses to be less.  The veil had been drawn and I had the perfect canvas to start crafting the person that I saw in the mirror.  What I saw was someone regal and confident.  Beautiful.  Intelligent.  Classy.  Elegant.  Coquettish... Free.  I saw a person who was free to be what it was she wanted to be and had the strength to do it.

A lot of the guys in the shop said the cut looked beautiful on me, though I don't take compliments from a salesman seriously and the cut itself I found questionable.  I asked my mom what she thought, and she said she didn't know nothing about short hair on women.  I laughed and we went to the car, where I took another look at it in the car mirror.  I giggled as I noticed the natural waves  my curl pattern produced and the lone grey hair I had reduced to a stub.  Then, I grimaced a little.

"Ugh!  My skin!"

The drawn curtain revealed a very blatant imperfection I could not run away from, yet had to accept: the years of abuse I allowed my skin to endure.  And that's part of what this Natural venture was all about: self-acceptance.

Once I arrived home, I took pictures of my haircut (I'm always excited about getting a haircut, for some reason) and posted them to Facebook.  Of course, many people had their opinion of my hair, many of whom were used to seeing me with long hair.  Yet, I couldn't expect them to understand the liberating feeling of this major change.  Yes, my face looks different and they have they're own perceptions of what is visually appealing , but in the end, they're not the ones living in my body and maintaining my hair as well as my soul.

After Facebook, I hopped on Google for ways to lighten the scars on my face.  One may think this to be a little contradictory: How can you want to accept yourself yet want to change your imperfections?  Well, the way I see it, is that I can accept myself for who I am, yet the scars are not who I am.  They do not represent the me that I know when I look into the mirror.  They don't show me at my best, which is what I want to do.  The scars show what I've been through and have helped mold me, yes.  Yet, they do not show the me that I am now.  I don't want to see the past on my face, but the present and the future that has yet to be.   If it is within my ability to lighten those scars, then I welcome that.  Then if not, I will come to accept what it is. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
-Reinhold Niebuhr